ITS GETTING STICKY! PART 1

Its been a while since I blogged!! but today I really gotta get some things off my chest!

Around February 2010 I was in my first official movie! It was called "The Gift", featuring Charles S Dutton, and Jamie Hector. I was called in to do background work for a Birthday Party Scene. Everything was so unexpected because I wasn’t even looking for any extra work at the time. I was working with an agent in order to book some modeling jobs, and she asked if I wanted to work on a movie project. I said yes because I have a deep passion for movies, and there was no place id rather be on a Friday night than on a movie set! I mean why sit home watching a movie when you can actually be a part of one! LOL

When I got on set I instantly adapted to the environment, and it became a part of me! I was not shy or nervous. I just smiled and became friendly with everyone I could. The casting director and other people on the set really liked my down to earth personality, and told the agent I was working with that I was a pleasure to have on set. I wanted to stay all night, and I was sad when they told us that it was time to go home.

After that day the acting bug bit me in the ASS BIG TIME, and I have been looking for more opportunities ever since. I have always had a fear about auditioning in front of people. I didn’t think I could have the courage to go to an audition and get rejected by a table full of agents, but little did I know... I had more courage then I knew.

In March i decided to sign up with a casting company in NY, and I worked hard searching vigorously on google for more auditions. I put aside my fear and said screw the punk ass routine lets do this shit! So I went on my first audition about 2 weeks ago. The first audition I had was for a play. Little did I know however it was for a musical, and my ass is not trynna break no mirrors by singing! lol so I just did an improv skit with some other actors, and I did a great job! The only thing I was off on was my Monologue! Damn Monologue Why do you have to do those things anyway? LMAO Well despite my FAIL on the monologue side I did awesome with the improv skit so I was satisfied because I gave it my best!

The following day I had a second audition for an independent film in Philadelphia. I kid you not all the fear I had the previous day was completely gone, and I had turned into a completely different person! A confident person. When I got to my audition I blew everyone including myself away! The panel was all smiles, and nodding their heads at my performance, and this past week I got a call from the director telling me personally that he wanted me for the movie!

I have also been fortuned enough to work on the TV show Mercy Hospital in NY as a Nurse during my short time as an Actress. This Monday I finished my first film where I had several lines. It was for a student film at Temple University.

I must admit that I am working harder at this than I have at anything else I have ever done! When I have to miss an audition for my full time day job I swear tears start welling up in my eyes, and I start to cry! That’s how I know this is what I was meant to do! I AM AN ACTRESS! There’s nothing anyone can tell me to change that! I have proven to myself that I have the natural gift to act, and I know that god has blessed me with these skills. I have no doubt in my mind. Everyone in life has god given talents, and gifts, and if you use these gifts you will be happy from within because you are truly doing something you love! Its not a job, but a career. A career that you can be proud of!

A couple days ago I was on the set for another movie project, and they called me back again for background work. I had so much fun working with the crew last time I was there, and I met some other great actors, and actresses. There was no way I was turning this opportunity down for anything! however... here comes the sticky part... MY 9-5 JOB!

One thing I have learned in this profession over the last several months is YOU CANT HAVE A FULL TIME JOB AND TRULLY BE CONSIDERED AN ACTOR! To perfect your craft and become one with it you have to sacrifice, and put it first above everything else! You have to be willing to grind on the computer for over 6-7 hours a day looking for auditions or extra work. You have to put aside money for quality photos, and you have to be willing to do work for Free so you can add experience to your resume!

Well right now I am at the cross roads. I want to give up everything for the one thing that makes me smile! The one thing that makes me truly happy, but how can I do it when I have a mortgage, and bills out the ass? AND When I have a job where people take off all the time, and expect me to always be there to cover them! Leaving me with no time to leave, and do things I want to do! Well...The answer is this. I have to make a choice. This situation reminds me of a scene from one of my favorite movies by one of my favorite actors WILL SMITH

"You got a dream, you gotta protect it. When people can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can't do it....If you want something GO GET IT!! PERIOD!"

Life is too short to be Unhappy!

Stay Tuned for PART 2!

SITTIN ON MONEY FACES!

Yes I said it!! I'm gonna be "Sittin On Money Faces" in 2010!!

I’m so ready to make Benjamin Franklin my man because I’m staying on my grind! One thing I have noticed is when I start catching feelings for a guy I get distracted. I start focusing my attention on how to build him up, and help him be the best he can be, and I lose site of my own objective. I think the only way around that is to find a man who mutually feels the same way about me. That way we can build each other up, and reach the top together! But since most of the guys I meet are selfish and only think of themselves, the best thing I can do is Date My Money!

THE PRECIOUS GIFT OF LIFE

This past month a very tragic incident occurred. Jennifer Hudson's mother (Darnell Donerson), brother (Jason), and 7 year old nephew (Julian King) were all killed. I don’t want to go into detail about this occurrence. I would rather take this time to talk about the precious gift of life. This past June I lost my father to Cancer, so I personally understand how devastating it is to lose a parent. Sometimes we don’t understand or agree with the way things happen in life, but we have to keep moving on. As I look at these beautiful pictures of Jennifer and her mother I think of my mother. I am not always the best daughter. I must admit sometimes I can be a spoiled brat.

On Friday October 24th, my mother called me and asked if I would like to go see the movie "The Secret Life of Bees", with Jennifer Hudson, Queen Latifah, and Alicia Keyes. I brushed her off and said I’m busy! I have a lot of things I have to do this weekend so I don’t have time to go with you. As I’m sitting here at my desk I'm crying because unlike Jennifer I have the opportunity to talk to my mother on the phone everyday. I can run to her right now, and hold her in my arms. I know Jenn would give anything to have her mother and brother back in her life again. Life is so precious, and often times we take it for granted! No one is promised tomorrow, and it’s so important to tell the people in your life that you love them every single day! Never get off the phone or leave their side with out saying, "I- Love - You" because you never know what the future holds.

On November 10, 2007 Kayne West lost his mother to cosmetic complications. Something that should have been a simple procedure turned out to be deadly. I can’t imagine how Kayne must have felt when he got the news. You can tell they were very close. Whenever Kayne would take a picture, his mom was never far behind. I know Donda and Darnell are looking down on their children smiling with pride. Its so funny how no matter what you do your parents have unconditional love for you, or at least they should. I know for a fact my mother has sacrificed everything for me, and she loves me no matter what I say or do. With all my heart I want to make her proud of me.

I find myself even now going through my cell phone and pushing the send button to call my father, and just when I’m about to go through with the call I remember he’s not going to answer. I still haven’t deleted his number from my phone, and I don’t plan to either. It’s like as long as his name is there he’s not really gone. If I lost my mother I honestly don’t know if I would be able to breathe, because she is my life.

I send my prayers and blessings out to Jennifer and her family, and I also send out strength and love to Kayne and his family as well. I send out my condolences right now to everyone in this world who has ever lost someone they loved. Always remember they may not be walking on this earth with you any longer, but they are still with you in spirit. Your loved ones are in your heart, in your breath, in your soul, and in your thoughts. As long as you love them, they will never be forgotten and they will live on through you forever!

I LOVE YOU GUS! Thank you for making peace with me before you died. I’m so glad I got to tell you about some of my upcoming projects before you passed away. Just keep on watching over me. I swear I’m gonna make you proud one day!