COMMITMENT PHOBIA!

Do you get nervous when the person your dating starts saying things like, "I Miss You" "I Cant Stop Thinking About You" or " Lets be Exclusive” ? Do you find yourself always running for the heels every time someone says the words, "I Love You” ? If this sounds like you, or someone you know You Or that other person may be suffering from....

COMMITMENT PHOBIA! 

Commitment Phobia is very common. In fact most people have it and don’t even realize it because it’s embedded in their subconscious.Let’s face it, everyone is scared of being hurt by love and that’s ok because fear is a part of life, but if this fear is stopping you from experiencing the great things that love has to offer than you may want to do a bit of self reflection. Fear is an emotion that usually comes from past experiences.

If you have witnessed a string of negative relationships from your family or friends for example you could unconsciously be running from love because you don’t want to endure the same heart breaking end results. You could also build Commitment Phobia from opening up to someone in the past, and becoming deeply wounded or betrayed because of it, but just because you are afraid of something doesn’t mean you can’t overcome it. 

Love has many more positives than negatives. Think back to the beginning of your relationships, and not the end. Remember when you couldn’t wait to see that person after a long day of work... Just the thought of their face or the sound of their voice would make you feel so overwhelmed with joy and happiness. That is the image you should hold in your mind when you think of the word LOVE, because love is about joy and happiness not pain and heartbreak. 

As in all situations you have to take the good with the bad, and you should always evaluate your past relationships so you can learn from them and grow, but you should never dwell on the past or become so obsessed with it that it holds you back from your future! Commitment Phobia may be a part of life, but it does NOT have to be a Permanent Life Threatening disease without a Cure.Real Love Can Heal a Broken Heart! So think happy thoughts, and you will find the one who makes you feel happiness for eternity!

I DONT BELIEVE YOU! AND IM DONE!

So as everyone may know I am getting over my Fantasy Romance with Joe! I talk about him all the time, so anyone who watches my videos or follows me on Twitter should know who he is. *side eye* Well anyway I am sick of trying to apologize to him. It’s obvious that he has moved on and its time for me to move on too. I already deleted his number and took down his picture from my wall. I received a text from him the other night that said, "Somethings will neva change I Love you and as we move along our paths in life stay strong and beautiful be wise baby your life will blossom keep growing" So anyway I deleted that message because I'm not allowing my feelings to get involved again. I pray that he is happy, and I will always love him forever cause I’ve known him since I was 5 years old, but you snooze you lose, and I wasn’t ready when he was so I just have to except that and let him go! *sigh*

One thing I don’t agree with is the fact that he said he loves me. I honestly don’t think he knows what love is. Or is it me that doesn’t know? I guess the verdict is still out on that, but anyway I feel when you love someone you show them, whether you love them as a friend or intimately. I have friends that live all over from New York, to Miami on out to California and I talk to them on a regular basis. Our distance does not stop us from talking on the phone or keeping in touch, but every time I call Joe he hardly answers and he doesn’t call me back till months later so how can he say he loves me? I don’t think that’s love at all! I believe he cares about me deeply but loves me NO! I don’t feel he loves me. When you love someone you check on them. You call them on a regular basis to say hello or you return their phone call when they call you!

As I’m writing this I’m thinking about my best friend Hamid who is locked up in California. I say I love him but I haven’t written him in months. So how can I talk about Joe being at fault when I am also at fault too? *sigh* Well I guess sometimes when you are overcome by your own emotions, personal situations, and feelings you don’t put the people you say you care about first in your life. Sometimes you can become selfish, and even egotistical, overwhelmed by your own thoughts and feelings. I have done this myself, so I guess its wrong for me to judge someone else. In my heart I know Joe loves me but I don’t want to focus on that because It will make me confused, and I need to move past him in order for me to grow. Being stuck in the past is no way to live. If he is meant for my future then it will be, but I can’t fantasize about it anymore, because it’s not healthy. So what’s the point of saying all this.... *side eye* Well I just had to vent, and purge this out my system.

"We gotta face it there'll be times that we let each other down. And on the days that you ain't feeling me, will you be able to stick around, Cause anything worth having is worth fighting for. If we really want this thing to work We gotta go to war"  ---Avant (When It Hurts)

POWER OF COMMUNICATION

It's so easy to give up when things get hard, but in the end how will quitting benefit you? In any relationship whether it's intimate or platonic you will always have to learn how to communicate. Having the right amount of communication can determine whether you have a temporary relationship verses a long-term permanent one. Often times when we start a new union with someone we put up a defensive wall for protection. This is very common and somewhat necessary. In the beginning you never know what someone's true intentions are so putting up a temporary boundary can be a good idea, but be careful not to leave it up for too long...


Remember Communication is key!

WHEN TO CALL IT QUITS

Has your relationship gone from this.....

To this..............


If the answer is yes, well then maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship.

I spoke with a young woman this week, and she was telling me about her recent breakup. She said she was sad because her ex broke up with her so he could have more time to focus on his career. He said they still could be friends, but right now he couldn’t give her wanted she needed. For the record I don’t believe that bull-ish for a second! I feel any guy/girl who says they need space to focus on their career is holding something back. Normally you want the support of the person you love, and you welcome the encouragement that they can bring into your life. Now if that person is a hindrance because they are constantly bringing you stress then of course you will want to break up with them! But don’t say it’s because of your career plans, when honestly it's because you feel emotionally overwhelmed by their unsupportive attitude towards your goals for the future.

After I thought about her situation I responded by saying, "It sounds like there is more to the story, do you think he’s being completely honest with you?" She said yes she felt he was disclosing the whole story and she went on to explain how her ex has a busy schedule between work and school, and he spends all his free time pursuing his upcoming plans. Now what I forgot to ask the female is if she was a nagger, and if she ever found herself complaining about not having enough quality time with her partner. When a man/woman is working on obtaining their goals they need space. If you have a busy career, or a heavy workload make sure you're in a relationship with someone who understands that. If your partner is emotionally draining or too needy you will separate yourself from them in order to focus. COMMUNICATION is number 1! Not everyone can be in a relationship with someone who has a hectic schedule. However, I’m not excusing the lack of attention that you may be experiencing. When someone is important to you, you will make time for them!

On the flip side I have a male friend who is currently having problems with his woman because she feels he puts his career before their relationship. My friend claims he wants to make it work with her, but he doesn’t know what to do. I asked him if there was anyway he could involve his lady in his upcoming projects, and he said no. This is another issue, COMPROMISE! If this is someone you plan to be with for the long haul why not involve them in your plans? This way they won’t feel so neglected. Now if they don’t want to help, and they only want to complain then to hell with them! But if they genuinely just want to be in your presence, then helping you out with your goals for the future should be an honor.

In the end it’s all about finding the right one for you. Not everyone is going to fit into your lifestyle or your future. A good partner should be supportive, understanding, and compassionate. If you want to take over the world they should be right by your side cheering you on! But at the same time you have to make time for the things they love also. Support and compassion works both ways. Involve the one you love in the things that bring you joy, because it will make them feel special too. If you honestly feel your current partner doesn’t fit into your future plans then tell them so, don’t give them some stupid lame line about being too busy for a relationship. I don’t care what anybody says, you’re never too busy for LOVE! People only say things like that to avoid confrontation or an argument. The real truth is they don’t want to make time for you, and they are busy dealing with things in life that are of more importance to them.

I.E. You are no longer the person that takes priority in their life, they’ve lost interest in making things work with you! Again, if you really love someone and you genuinely want to be with them you will find ways to make it work despite the hardships you may endure.

If you don't want the truth, don't ask MizzHotBlaze!!!

DO YOU COMMUNICATE ENOUGH?

This message is for all the new couples. Congratulations! You have successfully passed your first 6 month or 1 year anniversary and things are still going strong. Of course you’ve had some bumps in the road, but love has gotten you over them. Around this time you might start to feel laid back and comfortable in your situation. Ladies start wearing their head scarf’s to bed, and guys start opening up about their feelings somewhat. This critical time can definitely make or break your future. One major problem in a new relationship is communication! This is a necessity. If you want your love to continue you need to talk. I know your thinking, “I talk to my man/woman everyday. I can communicate.” Well everyone says that, but unfortunately talking in a general sense is not enough.

A question for the ladies... “What do you tell your girlfriends about your man? Do you ever complain about him? Do you ever bit** about the annoying things he says or does? If the answer is yes, you need help communicating in your relationship. I know you probably think its ok to vent to your girlfriends because that’s what they’re there for, but honestly it’s not recommended to discuss relationship problems with friends. It’s ok to have one main person you confine in for advice from time to time, but your best friend should be your partner. You should be able to turn to him for direction and guidance. Not every man is good at giving advice, but your partner should at least listen and support you. He should be your confidant and your rock. If he’s not giving you all you need, then you may need to question if he’s the right one for you.
Fellas....Do you find yourself talking to other females about the problems you have with your girl? Do you ever look at another woman and think, damn I wish my lady would be more like that! Well if you answered yes to either one of these questions, you need help communicating in your relationship. Don’t look to another woman to make up for what your partner is lacking. If your girl is not giving you all you need then you have to speak up and tell her! I’ve talked to so many men who say they’re woman is not freaky enough, creative enough, or fun enough. After I patiently listened to all their concerns and issues I ask them, “Have you addressed this issue with your woman?” and most of the time they say no because they don’t want to hear her complain or they don’t want to hurt her feelings. To all the men out there please listen up! “We Can’t Read Your Mind!” Men and woman have different ways of communicating, but that doesn’t mean we can’t talk.

Rule #1 Never assume anything. Don’t think your girl/guy is gonna blow up about something when you have never even brought the problem to their attention.

Rule #2 Think before you speak. (Men) Yes, woman can be sensitive so choose your words wisely. The most important thing to remember is you can’t avoid a topic because you’re afraid to speak your mind. If you ignore the issue it’s not going to disappear, so deal with it and move on. (Ladies) Men have feelings too. Don’t ever compare your man to anyone else. If your partner is getting on your nerves take a few breaths and calmly tell them how you feel. Remember no man likes a whining woman, so make sure you try to release your feelings and be done with it! Erase the board and start fresh.

Rule #3 Monitor Your Anger! If your partner opens up and makes a suggestion to you, take the constructive criticism with ease not anger. Remember your mate loves you, and it’s ok to make changes. Life is about growth and progression. If you get angry they will only go to someone else to vent, and that will draw a wedge between your relationship.

Rule # 4 Little things mean a lot. After you have a sit down talk with your partner about an issue make sure you always end with words of love and encouragement. End the discussion by praising all the things you love about them! This is very very important. Think of exciting bonding activities to do together every week. This will make your relationship stronger. You can make fun card games for one another with questions your afraid to ask, write out a poem stating all the beautiful things you love about your mate, play karaoke together, and serenade each other with sweet love songs, etc.

Rule #5 Last but not least....Constantly find new ways to explore your LOVE. It takes hard work to maintain a healthy relationship, and you get out what you put in.