So as everyone may know I am getting over my Fantasy Romance with Joe! I talk about him all the time, so anyone who watches my videos or follows me on Twitter should know who he is. *side eye* Well anyway I am sick of trying to apologize to him. It’s obvious that he has moved on and its time for me to move on too. I already deleted his number and took down his picture from my wall. I received a text from him the other night that said, "Somethings will neva change I Love you and as we move along our paths in life stay strong and beautiful be wise baby your life will blossom keep growing" So anyway I deleted that message because I'm not allowing my feelings to get involved again. I pray that he is happy, and I will always love him forever cause I’ve known him since I was 5 years old, but you snooze you lose, and I wasn’t ready when he was so I just have to except that and let him go! *sigh*
One thing I don’t agree with is the fact that he said he loves me. I honestly don’t think he knows what love is. Or is it me that doesn’t know? I guess the verdict is still out on that, but anyway I feel when you love someone you show them, whether you love them as a friend or intimately. I have friends that live all over from New York, to Miami on out to California and I talk to them on a regular basis. Our distance does not stop us from talking on the phone or keeping in touch, but every time I call Joe he hardly answers and he doesn’t call me back till months later so how can he say he loves me? I don’t think that’s love at all! I believe he cares about me deeply but loves me NO! I don’t feel he loves me. When you love someone you check on them. You call them on a regular basis to say hello or you return their phone call when they call you!
As I’m writing this I’m thinking about my best friend Hamid who is locked up in California. I say I love him but I haven’t written him in months. So how can I talk about Joe being at fault when I am also at fault too? *sigh* Well I guess sometimes when you are overcome by your own emotions, personal situations, and feelings you don’t put the people you say you care about first in your life. Sometimes you can become selfish, and even egotistical, overwhelmed by your own thoughts and feelings. I have done this myself, so I guess its wrong for me to judge someone else. In my heart I know Joe loves me but I don’t want to focus on that because It will make me confused, and I need to move past him in order for me to grow. Being stuck in the past is no way to live. If he is meant for my future then it will be, but I can’t fantasize about it anymore, because it’s not healthy. So what’s the point of saying all this.... *side eye* Well I just had to vent, and purge this out my system.
"We gotta face it there'll be times that we let each other down. And on the days that you ain't feeling me, will you be able to stick around, Cause anything worth having is worth fighting for. If we really want this thing to work We gotta go to war" ---Avant (When It Hurts)
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